Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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