my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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