I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
