I bet he comes in French.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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