i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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