he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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