I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
