Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
