is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize