my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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