Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
