he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
