You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
