Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
