I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
