im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
