He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
