god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
