Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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