i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
