Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
