Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
