...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
