wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize