well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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