I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
