I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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