My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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