My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
