Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
