Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"

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(503): View more from Oregon

The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"

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(509): View more from Washington

We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.

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(660): View more from Missouri

Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me

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(530): View more from California

I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk

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(678): View more from Georgia

He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?

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(507): View more from Minnesota

do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?

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