The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
