so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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