Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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