I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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