my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
