oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this just has baby written all over it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
