I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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