i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
