Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
