weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
