I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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