dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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