Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
