Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
