they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
