I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
