Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
