we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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