I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
