I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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