I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
