if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
