That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize