You can't special order awesome
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
