You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
