are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
