i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
