Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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