She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
