I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
