do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
