Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A+ Viking dick
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
