i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize