You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
