i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
