We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
